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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash

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Your Dog

Your Wife

1. Your dog will never divorce you and take your trailer.

2. Your dog don’t care if you get drunk and  pass out nude in the back yard.

3. Your dog can hunt better.

4. Your dog won’t bug you to fix the toilet every hour on the hour.

5. Your dog won’t complain when you watch NASCAR all day.

6. Your dog thinks you’re the coolest thing ever.

7. Your dog don’t care if you suck face with a different woman each weekend.

8. Your Dog doesn't insist that you own a mini van instead of a truck.

9. Your dog don't care if you scratch and fondle yourself in front of his mother.
10. Your dog don't complain when you kiss it with beer breath.
11. Your dog thinks it's normal to lay around naked with your legs spread to cool things off on a hot day.
12. Your dog loves it when you through your socks here and there.
13. Your dog never nags to mow the lawn.
14. Doesn't get embarrassed and screech like a banshee when he sees you peeing
    on a tree.....in the front yard, he joins you.
15. The dog will eat from the wife's plate but it won't happen the other way
    around...
16. When the dog farts, he doesn't blame it on the wife.
17. He believes dropping food on the floor is a hobby to be cultivated, not stifled.
18. Your dog always believes the floor is clean enough to eat off of.
19. If you accidentally shoot the dog when hunting it isn't 5 years in the pen.
20. A dog will never stab you in the back.
21. Dogs will alway sniff your butt when you pass gas.
22. Dogs might howl with a passing fire truck but wives howl all day.
23. Dogs will alway take the scraps you give them.
24. Your dog doesn't care if you kick it out of bed and onto the floor in
    the middle of the night.
25. A dog will never do a "Lorena Bobbitt" on you.
26. A dog will love you, no matterr how unlovable you are.
27. A dog obey your commands. You could never get your wife to do this.
28. A dog won't complain about loosing a fart contest.
29. A dog won't try and draw clothes on the female models in your truck magazines.
30. Dogs don't care if you sell their offspring after 8 weeks.
31. You don't have to play 20 questions with the dog to find out what's wrong with it, chances are it's hungry or it wants to go outside.
32. The dog will help you get attention from women.
33. A dog don't nag you to stop and ask questions or directions when on a trip.
34. A dog will sleep out in the yard so you can have the house all to your self.
35. A dog don't care how many buddies you have over for poker.
36. A dog don't nag about the way you drive.
37. A dog doesn't want your money every Friday when you get off work.
38. Your dog never makes you admit your wrong.
     

1. She can open the fridge and get you a Buckhorn Beer.

2. She can cook.

3. She can do the dishes.

4. She can turn the channel when the remote dies.

5. She might actually clean your trailer.

6. She's a whole lot better looking than you are!

7. She can run to the store to get more beer when your too drunk to move.

8. She can get welfare easier than you.

9. Her female cousins are usually cuter than the dogs.

10. She buys the groceries with your money.

11. You can love your dog, but you can't LOVE your dog...you need a wife for that.

12. Who else is gonna pick up after the dog?!?

13. The wife can cater to your and your buddy's needs during the NASCAR races and Football games.

14. A wife can stoke the fire.

15. A wife can fetch a beer without slobbering on it.

16. A wife looks better in a negligee.

17. A wife can pop the Zits on your back.

18. A wife can change the oil in your truck.

19. A wife can actually compete with you in a belching contest.

20. A wife can light her own farts.

21. Who's gonna feed that damn dog?

22. A wife can and will wax/Nair your back hair and still love you no matter how often it needs done.

23. A wife is someone you can get drunk enough to "love" you in ways a dog never could.

24. Your wife can use the toilet bowl cleaner when you stain it.

25. When you wake up in the middle of the night for a snack and step in a puddle or pile, you know it wasn't your wife.

26. Your wife will never wake you up with a cold wet nose in your hind end.

27. Your wife won't wake you up because she needs to be walked.

28. A wife can provide the "highway delight."

29. Your wife can pull her lips over her teeth or just take them out when "loving" you in the car. The dog can't do that.

Score = 38

Score = 29

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