Do They Be Leprechauns?, Take A New Job?, Beer Farts or Baked Bean Farts?

Yep. There really are leprechauns. Here is the evidence. I found this on Youtube.

SHOULD I TAKE A NEW JOB @ 30% LESS PAY-I'LL BE A 15 MINUTE RIDE EACH WAY FROM HOME INSTEAD OF 1 HOUR AND 15 MINUTES. AND I'LL WORK 4 HOURS LESS PER WEEK ON A 35 HOUR WEEK.

1 hour and 15 minutes X 2 = 2 hours and 30 minutes X 5 Days = 15 hours a week spent driving. Now take 15 minutes X 2 = 30 minutes X 5 days = 2 hours and 30 minutes. That would mean you'd have 12 hours and 30 minutes left each week. Now add the extra 5 hours you won't have to work because you'll be down to 35 hours a week and the end result adds up to 17 hours and 30 minutes that you'll have to drink Buckhorn beer.

The problem is no one knows for sure. You see you can't eat beans without drinking beer. There is one theory out there that suggest that if you didn't drink beer then baked beans wouldn't make you fart.

But I'll tell you what. Since my beautiful wife of 27 years is almost a Tea-Total-er, I'll have her eat some baked beans and I'll test. She ain't much of a "Panty Fluffer" but I bet I could coax her into ripping one for me to test. I'll let you know.

Confidentially Speaking

Too Hot To Print The Letter

To The Elder One: I heard. Congratulate him for me.

To Wishing: It ain't your kid so drop it.

To Kathy: I'm married. The nude pictures were nice but you can stop sending them now.

To Conan: If she wanted to she would. You can't force that. You'd go to jail.

To Fleeter: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Grab her, marry her, knock her up and settle down.

Uncle Ralph

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This Weeks Joke

Or Is It?

When Uncle Ralph Was In School....

LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Uncle Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little Uncle Ralphy says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little Uncle Ralphy replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON MATH

Little Uncle Ralphy returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies Little Uncle Ralphy.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'

LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little Uncle Ralphy goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Uncle Ralphy says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Uncle Ralphy, that's a mouthful.'

Little Uncle Ralphy says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little Uncle Ralphy was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now, Ralphy, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little Uncle Ralphy, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'

LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Uncle Ralphy.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''

LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little Uncle Ralphy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little Uncle Ralphy replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little Uncle Ralphy answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

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