Trailer Clutter, If My Man Saids He Love Me, Boss Hits On Me

Trailer Trash Advice

for the Week of

June 8, 2008

Happy Cinco De Mayo

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My wife and I bought us a nice big house made of real bricks (the bricks don't just hold the house up anymore). So, we ended up moving out of the trailer park. Now all of our former neighbors from the trailer park are callin us "Trailer Clutter" instead of "Trailer Trash." Should I go back and steal their beer and the steps leading up to their doors? Or should I tell their kids that their parents are plannin on makin them finish high school and get jobs? Which would be worse?

People can be so immature callin names and all. I mean, just can you abandoned them back in the park by making yourself uppity and all by buying a house made with real bricks. I always tell folk to "live and let live". If you want to try and live in the "burbs" for a while, feel free. I did and learned my lessons well.

- If you go out to pick up you mail naked, people will actually call the cops on you.

- If you beat up Bobby on the front lawn cause he cheats at card, people will call the cops on you.

- If you clean you house naked and leave the curtain open to let the sunlight in, people will call the cops on you.

- If you sit on you back deck and watch the 16 year old neighbor girl sun bathe in her string bikini, people will call the cops on you.

- If your wife gets you a new gun and you just want to try it out in the back yard by shooting it up in the air, people will call the cops on you.

So fine, if you want to live someplace where people just won't understand you, feel free.

BTW: Go back and steal their beer anyway. But please, don't tell their kids they gotta finish school. Ain't no need to be cruel.

if my man saids he love me and he will never cheat on me, is that really love?

[Name Withheld]

"If you tell your woman you will never cheat on her, you must never cheat. It is always better not to promise such things but if you do you must never cheat. The exception is when you have had too much to drink and are out of your mind drunk. Then it ain't really you cheating, it's the booze."

So never let him get drunk and you'll be happy. He'll be miserable but you'll be happy.

Oh, almost forgot. A second tip: If you ain't married, cheat'n rules don't apply.

Some dude (my boss) keeps hitting on me for a date. How can I tell him to take a hike in a way that won't get me fired?

Ooooo. I ain't had to deal with this one before. Guys hitting on guys is just wrong.

So first off go to this page "How to Turn Down a Date (for Chicks)" and read that. I know it's for says for chicks, it's really how to turn down a date when a dude ask you out.

My favorite is: "Sorry. The court says I can't date anybody until my "Gona-herpa-syphil-titus" clears up."

Confidentially Speaking

Too Hot To Print The Letter

To Flossin Foo: It's good to keep your teeth clean. Maybe you can then keep your teeth longer. But please don't floss at the buffet line.

To Sheila Of Da Burbs: You can take the chick out of the trailer but you can't take the trailer out of the chick. Enjoy it while you can. I did.

To Stripper Dan: Oh, Dude! Keep your clothes on! Please! You're giving men a bad name.

To Biker Chick: It's not a rule you have to weigh 300 pounds. I just works out that way.

To Grandson Tyler: Happy birthday.

Uncle Ralph

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This Weeks Joke

Or Is It?

The Moral of the Story

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a Well. The animal cried piteously for hours as The farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the Well needed to be covered up anyway;

It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and Help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began To shovel dirt into the well. At first, the Donkey realized what was happening and cried Horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he Quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally Looked down the well. He was astonished at what He saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his Back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel Dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it Off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey Stepped up over the edge of the well and Happily trotted off!

Life's Moral Lesson #1

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds Of dirt The trick to getting out of the well Is to shake it off and take a step up.

Each of Our troubles is a steppingstone.

We can get out Of the deepest wells just by not stopping, Never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more. Expect less.

NOW ............
Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back,

And bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

Life's Real Moral Story
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

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