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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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More Redneck Fishing
Dear Uncle Ralph,
I read the letter this week from Wally about how his ex-friend who became a deputy wont let him fish anymore. You know what? When a boy becomes a deputy, they got some type of alien machine that sucks you brains out. It just makes you stupid. I think it's the same machine that those city doctors use when they take a dude and make him a woman. Ya gotta suck have his brains out or he ain't gonna be a complete woman. Wally's friend is a gonner. He wont be fishn no more but a least he gets to keep his willy.
Tell Wally to get himself a new fishing friend.
Steve
Dear Steve,
I think you may be right. I had me a friend once that had a really cool 1976 Trans Am. That car was the fastest car I think I ever seen. He let me drive it once and I almost hit 130 before I chickened out. He just laughed at me. Then he became a Michigan State Trooper. Then this dude gave me 2 speeding tickets in my truck! I was only doing 70 in a 55. So at one time this dude was pretty cool and now he's just mean.
So do you think it's the same machine they use to make women from dudes? It sure made my one time friend mean too.
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Break It Off Now
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Im in relationship with guy from beginnin we
had open talks as we both have partners only his lives in america n ive just
broken up with mine prob is she came 4 2 wks they gona get married 4 passport
purposes i am not allowed 2 call neither email but reassured we would be 2getha
when shes left i love him but dont wana get hurt is it best 2 break it off now
as he tells me regularly how much he loves me Tamryn
Dear Tamryn,
Don't be stupid. If he's married or gonna get married
you will be hurt. Break it off now or else you're just a
booty call.
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Chick Won't Talk
Dear Uncle Ralph,
the girl i like wont talk to me.
[Dear Readers, Since this letter is so brief that I wasn't sure what the real problem was, I decided to write 2 different answers. U.R.]
Answer Number 1
Dear Jeremy,
Dude! That's Great! How'd you get her to shut up?
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Answer Number 2
Dude! That sucks! Did you try brushing your teeth? [ Ok, that reminds me of a joke: Q: What do you say to the prettiest girl in Arkansas? A: Nice Tooth. ] Or how about buying her a Buckhorn beer or 20? Did you start out your conversation by saying "You got a nice big butt"? [BTW: chicks don't like you to notice their butts but I've no idea why. They spend so much time growing them you'd think they'd at least like you to notice them.] Or are you just plain creepy?
I'll tell you what to do. Go get your hunting things together and shoot yourself a couple of rabbits. Take them over to her trailer and offer to let her clean them and then cook you a nice dinner. This is how a man would ask a woman out on a date if you lived in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. Works pretty well there.
Good luck. Let me know how it turns out.
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Dancing With The Stars
Dear Uncle Ralph,
I saw SteveO from Jackass on Dancing With The Stars. How come you don't do that? Aren't you a celebrity?
Christina
Dear Christina,
My wonderful former Miss Bangor beauty queen wife of 28 years likes to watch that show. Which means I get to lay on the sofa, drink a case of Buckhorn Beer and watch chicks in really skimpy outfits run around. Oh yeah. I watch. I could be like that dude from Apple. Except I can't dance as good. But if they ask me, I'll do it.
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