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Finding A New Job
Hi Uncle Ralph....
Sorry i beem gone so long...i was in this great trade skool , it was called elevenworth ...some where in kansas. i learned my lesson... never fish with dinemite spussuly near a dam ....maybe ya read about the lower half of missouri gitten flooded a while back ...thats what two sticks of dinemite tied to a rock will do..
that trade skool learned me all sorts of skills. laundry washen, license plate maken, how to smile when servin oatmeal. Now i fine all my old wood chopping jobs have been taken over by mexicuns. any ideas where i could use my new skills to make enough money to buy a few buckhorns ?
dontaney county mo
Hey Don!
I wondered what happened to ya! I'm glad you learned your lesson. You should only go dam fishing using dam bait. You can buy lots of dam bait at the dam store just at the top of the dam place.
My Grandma blew up a lake once in Pullman Michigan. Well, actually her date. You can read about it here: Missing Grandma
But to answer your question about what kind of job you should get, since you can now do laundry washen, and oatmeal serv'en, I suggest you get a job as a maid for one of them there rich suburbanites. Yep, they actually pay people to come in and do their washen and cook'n. Can't figure why. I actually lived in the suburbs once. Yeah, I confess, I was a suburbanite. Kinda sucked. The neighbors hated my pink flamingos and when my wonder former beauty queen wife of almost 29 years planted some really pretty flowers in some old truck tires I had in the front yard, some jerk called the cops on me. What the heck! Here I am trying to fit in by beautifing my house and somebody calls the cops. Now I ain't saying I did this, but some neighbors found a lot of sand in their oil caps and some dog ended up committing animal suicide while taking a dump on my front lawn. But I digress....
Dress up in your finest church going blue jeans, brush your tooth really really good and find the best neighborhood you can. Go door to door and offer to clean their house and do their washun. Be sure to let them know you speak English real good. Who knows, you might just find a board suburbanite housewife that will let you clean her house real good, if'n you know what I mean.
But here's a warning for you: stay away from those house that have them 14 and 15 year old girls in them. You know how them young chicks are and when a "Man of the Park" shows up, they may just take advantage of you. Them suburbanite people tend to call the cops a lot and city judges got no sense of humor.
Good luck to you trying to become a productive member of society . Let me know how things work out.
BTW: don't worry about having to wear one of them maid get ups
but if you find the right woman to clean for, tell her you have a
Speedo you wear. That may just get you the job for sure
but play it by ear.
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Who Named Uncle Ralph
Dear Uncle Ralph
Who named you Ralph?
Dear Allegra,
Good question. Thanks for asking. As it turns out, my daddy did. Yep, I knew both my mama and my daddy. My daddy, God rest his soul, married my mamma and actually stayed married!
I was named after my Daddy's favorite uncle that was killed in
a barn fire. The story was that my Daddy's Uncle Ralph ran into the
barn to save a new born calf, (that's what the paper said anyways) but actually
he was trying to salvage his mash. We think the still may have had a
problem but that's just speculation.
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P.S. I'm not gay nor have I ever been a panty fluffer.
Did The Right Thing Or Not
I just broke up with my boyfriend. and i
am now starting to get over it when he all of a sudden asks me out again. and I
told him no but I don't know if I did the right thing or not.
Dear Alma,
That's completely up to you darling. If he can still give you that 'ol tingle, go for it. If not, don't. If you can see yourself sucking face with him, then go out with him, if not, don't.
It worked out great for me. I broke up with my girlfriend, she became the local beauty queen so I asked her out again. Now we've been married for 28 years and still counting. 'Cept for her totaling my car last Friday I had for 10 years, it's been all good. (She's ok, but I'm gonna miss that car.)
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