|
|
The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
|
|
|
Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. Tell A Friend about this site! |
|
|
August 4, 2002 Loosing at Love
Dear Uncle Ralph, Last week My
camaro broke down again. I tried gettin the parts to fix it from the other two
camaros i have on blocks in the front yard. The problem here is that i can't
drive to go see my special lady. She won't talk to me unless i have the camaro.
Frankly, I'm beginning to think she don’t want me no more. Is it possible that
she is seeing somebody else...or worse yet, do you think she might be seeing a
new relative of hers or something? Dear Confused, Forget the dentures. It’s too hard to chew tobacco with them. Go ahead and get a new tattoo only if it makes YOU feel better. I suspect, though, you done lost her. Ya gotta keep at least one Camaro running until you get married. After that, it don’t matter. You see, when a woman is looking to get married, she looks first for love, then for money and after that she’ll settle for trailer trash. Since you don’t think she loves you anymore then perhaps you could impress her with money. If you ain’t got no money, then call her and tell her you got a cold six pack of Buckhorn in the fridge and to come on over. If you can then get her to get one for you, then she is at the “settle for trailer trash” stage in her life and you can pretty much own her. But, having said that, since your Camaro ain’t running, that means you’re the lowest form and trailer trash. So I’d say your chances aren’t very good. So… Sell everything you own until you can get the Camaro going. And, (sorry) maybe even get a job.
Too Many Kids for Two Rooms
Dear Uncle Ralph I finally gots my fancy used two bedroom trailer but I cant fit all my six kids in it. Got any advice for me? Juanita Dear Juanita, It’s nice to see people moving on up in life. Congratulations on the new trailer. It’s not as difficult as it may at first appear. In my first two bedroom trailer we had 13 people staying with us for over two years. The trick is not to take up too much room with things like beds and chairs. Everyone sleeps in sleeping bags on the floor. Of course the one exception to this rule was me and my wife. We had the whole back bedroom to ourselves and we had a bed. Since everyone else slept on the floor, we had plenty of room. There was only one problem that we had with this arrangement during the entire two years: Great Grandma got stepped on one night when one of the nephews was trying to go out to the outhouse. She never was the same after that, drooling and all. When we found her dead at the age of 97 sitting on the hole in the outhouse, we all felt kinda bad for a moment. But don’t fret about it. We got over it and so can you.
Career Woman Dilemma
Dearestest Uncle Ralph, I sure am glad that I can
ask a nice fella like yourself a question like this, cause, ya see, I'm a career
woman, I work for a Pest Control Co., and my hubby, Pops, wants me to stay at
home and watch over all the young'uns. What should I do? Naturally Susie, Billy,
Jack, Louisa, Sarah, Dixie, and the other chillens I don't member right now to
put their names, agree with Pops. I was thinkin I'm the one who keeps our
trailor from getin tooked over by them darn collectors and I dont wanna quit my
job at the Pest Control company. Tell me what I should do. Please think good
about this cause I dont want my chillens mad or my trailor from gettin tooked
away. Help, please. Dear Linda (hun), Wow. I’ve been think’n and I been think’n good. I even had me a couple of Buckhorns to help me think gooder. So here is what I came up with: I understand that any woman that can kill rats would be good to have around the house full time. But, you don’t want to risk loosing your trailer. So I suggest that you sit down and tell your hubby that you’re still gonna work because you’re a “Career Woman” and killing bugs and rats is just plain fun. Of course he’ll whine & cry and say that he wants you home full time. So you tell him that if he shuts up you bring him home an extra case of Buckhorn beer each week. After the first case he wont care much anymore. As for the “chillens” , your not supposed to give then beer. Just remind them that they don’t have a choice in the matter since they’re all just little rats anyhow.
Take a Chill Pill! Dear Uncle Ralph, I am so gosh darn mad right now I just spit my tobacco all over mysilf. A cuple weeks ago me and my old man got a goat. We was sickn tired of mowing our peace of grass and thot a goat would do real good. But the dang hillbilly down the street...now she's fittin to get herself one. Shes always gettin all the attention with all her kids and that old man of hers thats always showing is *ss in the front yard. Im wantin some attentions of my own! And it was MY idea first! Shuld we steal her goat and eat it? Pantyhose Rose
Dear Pantyhose Rose Dang! Take a chill pill! Obviously a goat was a good idea. You should be flattered that your neighbor looks up to you for inspiration. But lets deal with your need to get attention. I’ve done some pretty stupid things my self to get attention and perhaps you should too. First of all, don’t worry about “all her kids”. In just a few short years they’ll be in jail and out of your hair. Secondly, if her old man is “Showing off is *ss” in the front yard, just wait until she ain’t home and then run down there and grab it. If he’s really showing it off then he’ll dig it. And you’ll get all kinds of attention that way. Perhaps, too, something really good may come from it. That is until his old lady gets back. If that doesn’t work, get a tattoo of a goat on your right breast and then run down there and show her husband and all her kids. Then she’ll and everyone else will plainly see who has the best goat. Special Note: Not all letters are answered here. Some are answered in the Confidentials section of the free News Letter. Be Sure to sign up.
www.LDFacts.com What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show Special Note: DO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW? A producer of the Jerry Springer show has asked that I provide their toll free number so that the Ask Uncle Ralph readers can call them. Associate Producer Jessica is looking for "Strange or unusual" stories. As we all know, the Trailer Trash Community sure has more than their share! Give her a call. Her number is 888-321-5399.
More info can be found at http://www.jerryspringer.com/guestsearch.asp
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. He's just too cool not to link to. |
Advertisements
Copyright 2009 all rights reserved
|
