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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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December 1, 2002 Changes Weekly!
Yule Log
Dear Uncle Ralph,
My family and I are trying to get into the Christmas spirit by doing some Christmas type things. We’ve already put a Christmas tree up and an Advent wreath. My son asked me how to make a Yule Log. I know that this is part of a Christmas tradition so we would love to make one. Can you tell me how to make one?
Betty
Dear Betty,
What a way to get into the Christmas spirit! I have made several myself, although I can't say I enjoy them that much.
The way to make a Yule Log is to eat too much Christmas Cheese.
Thanking the Sheriff
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Toothless
Dear Toothless,
You can always make a cop happy with donuts so that is always a good gesture of gratitude. But I like your idea of shooting something for him. That shows some effort on your part. The trick is understanding what the cop really wants for Christmas. For example: my brother once held a large pig roast in Kansas. Not wanting anyone to miss out he donated the pig’s head to the county prosecutor by placing it on the door step of his house. This act of generosity cost him a year in jail. You see, he didn’t understand what the prosecutor wanted.
So my advice to you is to call your sheriff and tell him that you want to kill something for him. Let him tell you what he wants. You’re sure to make a lasting impression.
In Love at 15 Dear uncle Ralph I am 15 and i am in love with some one and it just isnt going the way I want it to go. About a week or so i found out she liked me and i was flabergasted and everything was going well but out of the bluse she tells me she has alot of problems and she told them to me and they were about relationships ans how she gets scared and tends to ruin relationships. so i told her it was ok and yesterday she tells me its over because of her problems but i had to tell her i loved her soi did and she didnt say anything back, and i told her i wanted to see if we could be together and she said i dont have the effort what does this mean and also thisis the first time i have ever loved some one and i feel deaply for her. what do i do to show her i care and that i want to be with her.
Tim,
Your Uncle Ralph is going to put it straight.
Yo! Tim! Backup! 15 is too young to go nuts over a chick. Save the going nuts part for when you turn 25.
Get over it! By the time you turn 18 you should have at least another 10 names of chicks that you are madly in love tattooed on your body.
What makes you think that this is the one? Has she cooked for you? Has she fetched you a Buckhorn while you watch football? Of course not. Do your self a favor: move on and suck face with as many chicks as you can. Cause when you get married it had better be for the rest of your life. (BTW: save the married part for when you are at least 25)
So get a grip and move on.
Wild Turkey
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Dear Sleepin,
Ah, you made a mistake. Wild Turkey is a traditional Trailer Trash item. It makes the regular turkey taste so much better.
The good news is that Wild Turkey makes leftovers taste great too. So I recommend that you go out and buy some, heat up the leftovers and share some Wild Turkey. After enough Wild Turkey, any sin can be forgiven and it will put your woman in that romantic mood that men crave so much.
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What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. But he should be.
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