February 9, 2003 

Changes Weekly!

 Go Away to Collage?

Dear Uncle Ralph,

Momma wants to send me away to college. She says I got good grades in school and I ought to go out there and make her proud, so I won't have to fetch Buckhorn Beers for some "loser" like my Daddy.

Of course, Momma was drunk at the time, but still...

Should I go to college? Momma said she'd leave it completely up to me, seein' as I'm a grown woman with my own little 4th-hand trailer now.

Dandelion Duke

Dear Dandelion Duke,

The first question I would have to ask is what would make you happier:  

1)       Going to away to collage, having to sell your nice trailer to pay for books, tuition and room and board,  throwing yourself into a huge pile of debt only to find you can’t get a job when you get out?

OR

2)       Staying right where you are in your nice little trailer, collecting a pretty government welfare check just to watch Jerry Springer in the afternoon?

The end results are almost the same except that when you go to collage you can meet and marry an educated man.   Then when you fetch his Buckhorns at least your Mama will be proud.

A Wal-Mart Love Affair

Dear Uncle Ralph,

 work down at the local Wal-Mart as a cashier.  And there's this bag-boy that works there too.  And he's really cute.  The only problem is, he's from the really, really, rich part of the town, and I'm not.  I'm not ugly or fat, but I'm not beautiful or thin either.  Do you think he'd go for white trash like me, or should I just stick with fat, saggy pants Alan from down the road?

Love, Jennie

 

Dear Jennie,

Anyone that  works at Wal-Mart gets my vote.  Just remember that when you date a boy from the “really, really, rich part of the town” you are more likely to get a double wide when you get married.  And if he is really rich, then maybe his Camaro will actually run rather that being stuck up on blocks.

 It Ain’t True

Dear uncle Ralph

I read the letter from Ms. Cynthia  Margaret Sheldon from Boston MA.  As a long time reader of your column I know what she said ain’t true.  I think she must be from WOW or POW or COW or what ever those snobs belong to. 

I just wanted to say that your advice is always right on the money and I’d be happy to be your wife and fetch your beer.

Toothless in Seattle

Dear Toothless,

Thanks for the vote of support.   Every once in a while I get a letter from some women that have gotten their panties in a bunch over one thing or another.  I can’t publish most of them due to the requirement of keeping Ask Uncle Ralph rated PG13.

It always amazes me how some people go through life so angry.  Once we realize our roles in life and start living the way God intended, thing always go much better and your life is so much more happier.

And thank you for your offer to be my wife.  But I must turn you down.  I’ve had one for 22 years now….   And that’s enough.

Why Live In Trailers?

Dear Uncle Ralph,

Why do people live in trailers?

Bob

Dear Bob,

Everyone wants the good life.  Don’t you?

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What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. 

But he should be.

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