|
|
The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
|
|
|
Your Trailer Trash Friends Need Help. Tell A Friend about this site! |
|
|
March 16, 2003 Changes Weekly! Taking Beer to Church Picnics
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Spring is comin. My wife sometimes makes me go to church picnics. They are soo boring. Is it o.k. to bring beer to liven things up?
Boseefus
Dear Bo,
Well, I ain’t been to a church picnic in almost 10 years. The last time I went they told me to bring a dish to pass. So I brought one. (No one told me I was supposed to put something in it. Found that out later.)
There wasn’t a Buckhorn to be found there. Not even any Mad Dog 2020. I found out later the Baptist frown on that.
So, not having been to a picnic in 10 years, I called Preacher to see what the rules are.
Preacher was glad to hear from me. He explained that they discouraged beer drinking because it might lead to dancing. So I think that’s why Jesus turned water into wine.
So the answer is, no, you cannot bring beer. However, if you can turn water into wine, you’ll be the hit of the picnic.
New Neighbors
Dear Uncle Ralph, A motorcycle gang moved into the trailer next door to us. They rev their motorcycles all night long. There must be about 50 of them. One of their motorcycles is even covered with Republican bumper stickers and “Vote for Bush” stickers. Just about every night there is a fist fight in the front yard and the cops are over there a lot. They play their music way too loud and leave beer cans all over my yard.
Now normally I’m a very tolerant guy and try to get along with everybody. I especially don’t want to create a problem with these people because I think that they might be dangerous. So my question is, how do I tell them in a way that won’t make them mad, that that damn Republican has to go?
Leroy
Dear Leroy,
I am so sorry. Every once in a while I get a letter that really grieves me. Yours is one of them.
The only thing I can suggest is to actually talk to the Republican and try to get to know him. Some of these people are actually pretty decent. The only way you’ll get to know is to talk to him. So take him a 6 pack of Buckhorn and say hello. You may find that he is alright and not the sphincter pinching jerk he portrays himself to be.
However, after you talk to him, if you find out that he really is a mind numbed Rush Limbaugh Ditto-ite, then feel free to pick a fight with him and beat him senseless. You can start by saying “Bill Clinton saved our country.” This should get things started.
Tooth Fairy
Dear uncle Ralph
Jessie
Dear Jessie,
No. You can’t have a dentist put it in your kids mouth. Too many germs. I recommend that you have your kid put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy to give him cash. Then before the brat wakes up, sneak in take it. You got beer money. Then tell your kid that the reason the tooth fairy didn’t leave any money was because it wasn’t his.
Prednit Wit My Borthrs Baby
Dear Uncle Ralph, Im prednit wit my bothrs baby shuld i swich to back door nookie til aftr the baby s born
Dear Sister Sue,
Dang, Sister! Uncle Ralph always recommends that you date outside the family! You blew it! Now you’re gonna have a baby with three eyes and an extra hand.
So I recommend that you keep your skirt pulled down. Wait till after the baby is born and then go out and find another dude that ain’t your brother. (But wait a couple of weeks first.) Then you can do it anyway you want.
By the way, three eyed three handed babies can be a great attraction at the county fair. A cool way to make beer money.
Enjoy The Benefits of Your Own Website Just $10 to get Started
Are you sure you have the best long distance rates for your needs? Click Here and you can know for sure.
What's On This Week On the Jerry Springer Show Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Note: Jerry Springer has not endorsed Uncle Ralph and is not affiliated in any way. But he should be.
Special Note: Not all letters are answered here. Some are answered in the Confidentials section of the free News Letter. Be Sure to sign up.
www.LDFacts.com |
Advertisements
Copyright 2009 all rights reserved
|
