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The "Dear Abby" For Trailer Trash A bit of humor for the way we live. |
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March 2, 2003 Changes Weekly!
City Folk Mov'in In
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Trailer Bob
Dear Trailer Bob,
No, you can’t shoot them. Even city folk are people too, no matter how strange they may at first appear. As for them trying to make your trailers look bad by cleaning up theirs, don’t worry about it. They’ll eventually come around. Until then, if you were to view them as slightly handicapped (as in slightly retarded ) you’ll be more able to tolerate them.
You see, Bob, even city folk dream of a good life, free from worry and hassle. And who can blame them? Every day these people get up, drink huge amounts of coffee and trot off to work in some office where they pretend to like everyone they work with just so they wont get fired. Then the government takes almost half of everything they earn and give it to people like us. At the end of the day they have to go home to a spouse that don’t care how badly their day went. If they’re lucky, and it’s the 3rd Friday of the month, they might get in a little lovin before they crash for the night hoping they don’t get a heart attack before the nights end.
That life style is nuts! I’d far rather drive my old Camaro, live in a trailer and enjoy my Buckhorn than live the rat race. But you see, Bob, they don’t know any better. It ain’t their fault. So if you view them as slightly retarded you can have a little more patience with them. They’ll eventually come around and soon you see panties drying on the close line and you’ll know for sure then that they have learned to live the life.
Gender Confusion
Dear Uncle Ralph,
Big Peter
Dear Big Peter,
It’s no crime for a man to learn how to cook. I’ve done some wonderful things with Spaghetti O’s and beef Jerky. The day’s I make doughnuts is a treat for the entire trailer park. It always turns into a party. So in one respect your wife is right.
On the other hand, you are also right. A woman’s God given duty is to her husband and kids. She should be cooking and fetching the beers. It always amazes me when a man or a woman doesn’t grasp the concept of their place in society what happens to the family. I am absolutely convinced that gender confusion with the young people of today can be traced back to their Mom not acting like a woman and their Dad not acting like a man. In other words, it’s ok to help the wife in the kitchen, just don’t let it be the norm. Your kids may turn out as cross dressers.
It Sucks to Be Fat
Dear uncle Ralph
write back please krazy
Dear Krazy,
I’m told it sucks to be fat. I’ve no idea myself so I asked my fat sister in-law. Her reply: “It sucks to be fat. Pass the French fries.”
You don’t mention how old you are but when you say that you want a boy to like you, I’d say you’re a teenager. The bad news is that teenage boys are rude and crude and have no idea what is good for them. As they become men, they start to look for chicks that can fulfill their many manly needs, such as someone to fetch a cold beer for them. So there is hope.
But for now, the best way to get attention is to get a tattoo. I always like the “peek-a-boo” tattoo. So in this case, being fat is lucky for you! Just get a tattoo between the rolls of flesh and then when you want some attention, just spread the rolls to reveal the tattoo and say “Peek-A-Boo”!
Trailer Trash Party
Dear Uncle Ralph, This is a somewhat serious question. (I'm already anticipatin' your response!) Anyway, we have an annual party and this year's theme will be Trailer Trash. Most people have loved the idea and start laughing uproariously about this. But a couple people have brought it to my attention that the term "Trash" might need to be softened. Now, I spent about 25 summers in Alaska living in a trailer. We were commercial fishermen. There was duct tape on the front window to keep the crack together and we had a set of moose horns laying alongside the trailer house (as we called them back then)us kids had found in the lake. Now, I suppose that sounds fabulously trailer trashy, but we were a neat and tidy family, w/no Buckhorn beer anywhere to be found. So, in some ways, I think we were trailer trash, but in other ways not. Do you think it will hurt too many people's feelings, even though it doesn't bother mine, to send out invitations with these words: Trailer Trash?
Thanks for any advice you might have for me! Brenda
Dear Brenda,
Every party I throw is a “Trailer Trash” party. A trailer trash party is a celebration of the life we live. Even non-trailer trash people love to celebrate and when they find out how much fun we have they often seek out the trailer trash life style.
They only people that ever get offended at the term “Trailer Trash” are the “Bleeding Heart Liberals” that think that it’s their responsibility to protect us from being offended. I find this offensive in itself since this attitude is very condescending. True Trailer Trash people are proud to be who they are and aren’t offended by the term: They embrace the term.
Now as for the party, be sure to give gifts of beer can wind chimes. I might also suggest one of those sea-shell lamps that you can get from Florida (or any proper garage sale) and give that away as a door prize. Also remember to have an old car up on blocks in the back yard so that after a few Buckhorns, people have someplace to go make out for a while.
And remember this: The hostess always wears a short leather mini skirt, her hair up as high as she can get it, and very, very bright red lipstick put on way too heavy. How else will the guest know who the hostess is?
Be sure to send me pictures. I love a good party.
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