November 24, 2002 

Changes Weekly!

Thanksgiving Crow

Dear Uncle Ralph,

We just found out at the last minute that the family is comin to our house for thanksgivin.  Well, me and my old man dont have the money for one of those big turkeys but he shot a couple of crows this summer that I plucked and threw in the freezer.  Do you think my family will know the difference between crows and turkey?  Any cooking advice?

Pantyhose Rose

Dear Pantyhose Rose

Crow can make an excellent side dish but should never be served as a main course.  If possible you should have your family contribute something to the Turkey fund.   No one ever said that if you are supplying all the Buckhorn that you should also have to buy the turkey.  Perhaps next year your old man can plan better and shoot a turkey rather than crow.

Having  said that, remember that Crow is all dark meat.  Be sure to serve it with plenty of Hot Sauce. 

Also, just so it is not a surprise, my three nephews, my wife and I are coming over for Thanksgiving dinner.  I expect plenty of Buckhorn and I like a little bit of pumpkin pie with my whip cream.

A Ferry Nice Person

Dear Uncle Ralph.

    We found out by accident, why spying on my cousin by using beer goggle binoculars, last night that my neighbor is a ferry nice person. he's gay and trying to hide it from the trailer park. We saw him holdin hands with a guy, or possibly a very ugly peice of trailer trash women. but i'm sure it was a guy. They both were carryin a case of buckhorn each.  what would be the funnest way for us trailer trash to let him know that we know he's gay. Do you think there is any way to get free beer out of this deal without having to invite him over to the front porch?
 
    Nuttin better to do

Dear Nuttin Better.

I once seen a group of fully grown men circle a phone booth, hold hands and dance around the two guys in it chanting “the queers are here the queers are here!”   I thought that was pretty funny.   The down side was that the two guys called the cops from the pay phone and so all the dancers spent the night in jail.   No more Buckhorn that night.

So if your looking for free beer, here is what you do:  Invest in a 6 pack and go visit your cousin.  Then after you polish it off, just tell your cousin that you seen him with a guy.  If he says it was a woman then you’ll know that it was just ugly trailer trash.  If he acts funny, tell him that its ok with you and that you are the curious type also.  This should loosen him up so from then on he’ll supply the Buckhorn.   You must be careful using this technique, however.   If you drink too much, you may find him starting to look very attractive.  If you pass out then you’ll never know what fun you had.

Women Get Fatter

dear uncle ralph,

    why do wemne get fatter and more uglier after you marry them or have 3-5 kids with them?

Buggar

Dear Buggar

Because Trailer Trash Women love to eat.  Its just nature taking its course.  The really bad thing is when they loose all their teeth.  Kissing is so much more boring since there is nothing left for your tongue to explore.

What's Better For a Cold?

Dear Unkel Ralph,

    Which is better for a cold: buckhorn, Whiskey, or NyQuil? which one is the most fun?
 
      UNDER THE WEATHER

Dear Under,

Whiskey!   When you have a cold you want to get straight to the point and the point is to pass out so you won’t care about the cold any more.  You have to drink too much Buckhorn and NyQuil to accomplish this

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