Random Thoughts

August 4, 2002

Well, it's been a while since I've written anything for Random Thoughts so I thought I'd best bring you up to speed.  Those of you that pay attention noticed that I missed a column in July.  It turns out that I was in the hospital.

It all started simply enough.  Me and my fine, loving, beautiful, young wife thought we'd go out to the local party tavern and suck down a Buckhorn Beer or two.  My brother Cleet and his latest big trailer woman stopped by too.  After gently sucking down about 8 of the finest Buckhorns that can be found, we find out that there was some entertainment for the evening.  Oil Rasslin! 

Now being that I was with my own fine, loving, beautiful, young wife, I refrained from being too enthused about the whole thing.  And being the considerate guy I am tried to make her feel a little less uncomfortable in the situation by making comments such as "those aren't real". 

These two fine upstanding young ladies really went at it a rasslin and greasy, slimy bodies slithered all over each other in nothing but a too small two piece swimsuit until after about 10 minutes one of 'em gives up.  It was a great time.  Even my fine, loving, beautiful, young wife laughed and enjoyed herself watching.

But then this dude steps up and offers $500 to any man that can last 5 minutes with these two women.  I honestly don't remembering volunteering but found myself with no shirt or shoes on trying to grab these chicks.  Now mind you that my fine, loving, beautiful, young wife was watching all this but she no longer looked like she was having a good time. 

Well to make a long story I hardly remember short, I didn't get the $500.  I was disqualified.  Apparently it's against the rules to remove objects of clothing from your competitors. 

Now my fine, loving, beautiful, young wife suddenly wants to go home.  Not giving a reason mind you but insisting.  So we start home. 

Now this part I really don't remember at all.  But it seems that we had a flat tire and when I got out to change it a gang of big men jumped me and beat me up really good.  Then apparently they change the tire for my fine, loving, beautiful, young wife so she could drive me to the hospital.  But like I say, I can't remember.

But now I'm back.  I consider this a lesson learned.  If you get a flat tire, drive on the rim if you have to and get yourself to someplace safe before you jump out and change it. 

I'll keep giving advice.   Cause remember: We're all in this big trailer park together.

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