For Chicks: How to Turn Down A Date

Last Update June-8-08

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Ok Ladies.   Guys are slobs.  It takes them a while to get the guts to ask you out and even then they can be too drunk to know what they're doing.  Now please understand something.  I'm a guy.  A real man's man.  And let's not forget that I've been married over 25 years to the former Miss Bangor of 1980.  So I ain't been turned down for a date in a while.  But chicks ask me all the time "How do I turn down a date with a redneck (or white trash/trailer trash)"  So in trying to do my best to help my sisters out, here are some of my suggestions.

1.   “I’m sorry, I got to wait for my brother to get out of jail.  He has to approve all my dates and didn’t like the last one.”   This one suggests that he may have trouble with the brother.  A little fear helps to discourage stalkers.

2.   “No thank you.  I’ve got two cases of Buckhorn and I drink alone.”   Any good trailer trash man will understand this perfectly.

3.   “No way!  You grow some teeth, hair and loose the belly and then talk to me.  Until then, go talk to your sister.”   -  Very direct.  This will let the man know you are beyond dating a looser.  Also, when you tell him to go talk to his sister you will be distracting him from thoughts of you.  This can be a real time saver.

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4.   “Oh sure!  Like I need another disease.”   Said with as much sarcasm as possible.  Lets the man know what you think of him and also suggest that you still have other diseases.

5.   “Great.  Married just 3 days to ‘Killer’ and this dude wants to take me out.  That’s all I need is to have to bury another body.”  Say this out loud to yourself then walk away in disgust.   This will give the man a lot to think about before bothering you again.

6.   “Are you a cop?  I can’t be seen with cops.   Crap, I don’t want to be in jail again.  Why you people bothering me?   I told you I never smoke that stuff!  Just leave me alone!!”  As you are saying this talk louder and louder until you end in a full out angry shout.  Then run away – fake tears if possible.   This one suggest that you are followed by the cops a lot.  Not something trailer trash is into.

Here are Suggestions Sent In By Readers

7.   "Are you kidding?  I ain't that drunk!"  You can get free beer out of this one! - Anonymous

8.    "My Daddy will kick your ***! - Lonely

9.    "I wouldn't be caught dead in that truck!"  - Princess (U.R. Replies: Uh, Princess?  If you gay that might work but if you want a real man then you'll ride in his truck.)

10.  "Ain't you my cousin?" - Anonymous (U.R. Replies: I honestly don't understand how this one is supposed to work.  Shoot. My cousins hook up all the time.)

11.  "HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DATE DEASIE???" - Cash  (U.R. Replies: Another one I think would never work.  I'd say "Yup" and you'd be happy?)

12. "Sorry.  The court says I can't date anybody until my Gona-herpa-syphil-itus clears up."  - Gunky. (U.R. Relies: This implies the law says you can't date.  Some dudes actually respect the law. ) 
 

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