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Two Girls - One Guy |
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Dear Uncle Ralph
A funny thing happened this week. My
girlfriend (her name is "Reedy") and I went to visit her boyfriend whose in
jail. wow--it was very exciting. I've never been to jail
before--even to see my boyfriend.
The funny part came when there was another
girl there first and that girl said she was "THE GIRLFRIEND" now, this guy that
they both say is THEIR boyfriend isn't much to look at--skinny little thing.
What the fuss was about I haven't figured yet. (just for the sake of my own well
being--we will call this skinny little guy "Tony") well, Tony looks at both
these women there to see him at the same time and he cant talk--his mouth is
open and nothing is coming out! I figured he was going squirm--but the
guy--skinny little guy that he was--couldn't mutter one sound.
The girls introduce themselves to each other
and then they turned on Tony (not his real name) you should've heard the yelling
and carrying on--it was GREAT!! It was the most fun I've had in a
long time--hey, it was the best fun anyone in this jail had in a long time!! I
am sure they're are still talking about it. and poor poor little skinny Tony, he
was what you'd call a captive audience. couldn't go nowhere as them ladies
screamed at him. and Reedy, well, she says--HE'S MINE STILL!! even after all
that--I wonder what the other girl says?
any advice for my friend Reedy?
later,
Tammy-Sue
Dear Tammy-Sue,
This sounds like a match made in heaven to me.
Skinny little jail bird, no job, Tony and a couple of chicks fighting over him.
Yeah.......
Here's two chicks signing up for a hard life. I
don't think I can help Reedy. If she can't see the light by now then
she's blind. My advice is for you. Run -
don't walk - away from these people. What you see as funny is
really stupidity in action. Extremely bad choices on
everyone's part. If Reedy is still saying "He's Mine Still" after
all that, she's obviously "unwise". Hanging out with "unwise" people will
make you unwise. Don't you sign up for a hard life too.
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See the Trailer Park Boys DVD
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"Pitty Pot Life" |
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Dear Uncle Ralph,
I need some advice on how to get on the right track with my life, All I want
is to know how to become independent, and happy! I want my own trailer, I need
a jpb, I have no experience at anything but I think i might be able to do
anything! I want to live in Alaska or some where i feel comfortable at,
and achieve a couple of my dreams like maybe being a realistate agent by day
and stripper by night, i want to go to the bar when ever i want, do whatever i
want with no parents or boyfriends or x-boyfriends trying to kill me
(literally, thats the X boyfriend im talking about) I have put my family threw
alot and I dont want them to worry about me any more or have to support me
anymore either. I have caused alot of problems! I have no money, and I just got
in a car accident, and it was my fault and somebody died. I got a broken back
in a couple places and broken ribs, but im going to be fine in no time. I
probably wont be able to drive anymore so a small town sounds good, so I'm
just trying to be good and not a burden on anybody or myself I just want to be
happy, so how do i get out of my pitty pot life and get into gear to make my
dreams happen, or at least a start.
thanx,
J
Dear J,
A Real-estate Stripper? That's hot!
But seriously, get real. I heard from you "I
want... I want... I want..." You want to do any thing
you want, without parents or boyfriends etc. How's that
working for you?! Then you tell me your all busted up and you killed
somebody. I don't have pitty for you. I want to slap some
sense into you.
You asked me how to get out of your "pitty pot" life and start
to make your dreams happy. Get this: Grow up!
People like you need to stay away from bars, away from drugs and away from
people that hang out at bars and do drugs. Get your butt into a
church and start acting like an adult.
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Social klutz Son |
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Hi Uncle Ralph:
I'm feeling hurt and want another opinion. My son left home 5 years ago and has
done very well on his own. Only once did I send him $400.00 to help out with a
move to a new apartment. I'm very proud of him and love him very much. I
raised him as a single Mom from age 10.
Ok now for what hurts. Since he left he has not sent me even a card for my
Birthday, Christmas or Mother's Day. This is the 5th Christmas with not even a
$1.00 card. I have told him the last two years how hurt I am that he can't even
send a card. I have always sent him and also any girlfriend he may have a
gift. I have yet to even get a thank you from the girlfriend. I know you would
say don't send any gifts. But I just can't do that. To top it off I asked his
girlfriend to send a gift from them for his grandmother and I even sent a cheque
to cover it. Well you guessed it no gift came.
So what do I do??
Doreen
Doreen,
What can you possible do? The dude's a ungrateful social
klutz. And so is his woman.
But so what? You send
gifts
because you love him. You'll just have to love without expecting
this type of thing in return. This doesn't mean he doesn't love you back.
It just means he's a dunce.
Like most non-metro sexual guys.
But I wouldn't send any more money for them to buy for someone
else. he's a big boy now. Let him buy his own beer.
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This Weeks Joke
Or Is It?
50 Bucks
More Jokes
Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and
every year Buddy would say,
"Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"
Edna always replied, "I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty
bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, "Edna, I'm 85
years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another
chance."
To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and
fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll
take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and
don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's
fifty dollars."
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still, not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, "By golly, I did
everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Buddy replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when
Edna fell out. But you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
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This picture from
Sherman's
Lagoon
by Jim Toomey
best illustrates the life of
Uncle Ralph
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