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Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a
question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small -town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She
responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people
and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you
both to the electric chair.'
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