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LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on
a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Uncle Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first
gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like
your thinking.'
Then little Uncle
Ralphy
says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of
ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I
suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little
Uncle Ralphy
replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I
like your thinking.'
LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little
Uncle Ralphy
returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies
Little Uncle
Ralphy.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little
Uncle Ralphy
goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn
multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'
Little Uncle
Ralphy
says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little
Uncle Ralphy,
that's a mouthful.'
Little
Uncle Ralphy
says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE
UNCLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little
Uncle Ralphy
was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, Ralphy, that is NOT the proper
word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,
and I will allow you to go.'
Little
Uncle Ralphy,
thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher
asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in
the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My
father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on
little Michael.
'My mummy
planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher
reluctantly called on little
Uncle Ralphy.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father
that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''
LITTLE UNCLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little
Uncle Ralphy
was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,
'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little
Uncle Ralphy
replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?'
Little
Uncle Ralphy
answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.
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